yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize