i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
