Hey man sorry I got all grabby
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm getting married
To pizza
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
