We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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