Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
