the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Randomize
