when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
