You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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