I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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