I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
