Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
