I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Randomize
