My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize