I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
