I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Acid is not a monday night drug
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
