My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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