That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Randomize
