She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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