Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize