so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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