idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
