I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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