he thought i was a dude.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
