Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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