ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i wish my penis had a tongue
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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