I'm gonna have a badass scar
Quick, to the slutcave!
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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