My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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