Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
