So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
