I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
