So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
