And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
