One girl and one boy is just not enough.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
