I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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