thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
