If i come over, it means nothing
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize