He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
