Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
