6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
