you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
