speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I think I sprained my soul last night
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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