Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
