Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
he puts the penis in happiness.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
A+ Viking dick
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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