Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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