I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Randomize
