He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize