if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
