matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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