sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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