Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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