so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
