I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
