Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I had to cum in my sink.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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