hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
