So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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