It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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