Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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