ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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