If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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