we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
