I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Randomize
