So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize