Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I queefed so loud it echoed.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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