Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize