Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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