Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
