I think I died a long time ago.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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